he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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