You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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