We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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