I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
