I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
