I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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