i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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