I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
