Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
