dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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