and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
