I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
