she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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