Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
