so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
