You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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