It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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