This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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