i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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