Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
