I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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