Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
