i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
