some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
