u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
