I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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