I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
