his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
