I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
