watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
