Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
