you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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