why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
