My first STD was from a foam party
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
