I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
