He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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