Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
