so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
