there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
