Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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