did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
