I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
