We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
