Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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