I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
