How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
