I just made out with a guy for $7.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
