Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
