I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
