I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
