and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
