did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
