you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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