i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
