dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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