In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
