Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
