I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
