Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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